Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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