if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
