winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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