I am puke
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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