Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
