If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
