I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think my moral compass just broke
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
