my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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