he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
