I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
