i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize