did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
