What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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