His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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