yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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