let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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