i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
