Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
