Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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