Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
