he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
