drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
