She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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