She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
