Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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