We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
