love makes seman taste better
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
