This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
