Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
