I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
