I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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