Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
