So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
