remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
