I want to stick my p in your. b.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
