I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Randomize
