all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just high enough for therapy.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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