Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
