No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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