Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
cat food counts as protein by the way
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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