I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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