I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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