I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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