that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
