Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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