we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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