I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
