so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
