wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
