When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
