If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
