we're blogging at a bar
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
