I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
