I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My bed smells like the plague
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
