I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
