My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
