she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
