so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
