Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize