Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
