i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
