Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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