New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
What drink are we having for lunch?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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