I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
do nipples grow back?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
