Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
