I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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