I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
