why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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