So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
