All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
