now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
